hai. this is exactly my thinkIng n feeling now. ok. i thought i am strong enough. serious. i thought i got through the whole thing. telling everybody i aM ok, dun need to worry about me. smiling n laughing In front of everybody. aSSuring pple that everytHing Is ok. but slowly, i realise these are of no use 2 Me anymore. i have been like trying all ways to bluff my frens, including myself. wat a joke. forcing myself to think of everything i think. i am soo naive. i thought by like remain smiling or laughing, telling pple i am ok. i will realli be ok?? how naive i am. suddenly felt that all these methods just dun work on me anymore. aft like 5days?? they just dun work anymore. i just duno wat 2 do. all my frens have being saying that i am soo strong, asking me to stay strong. to be honest. i am just an empty shell. acting strong in front of everybody. serious. everybody. but when i am alone, seriously i am just like not strong anymore. all my kept feelings flow out. sometimes i just have a hard time keeping, that i have 2 like excuse myself. seriously. i know this is e 1st time i am writing this aft wat happen. 2 many they may be shocked. super shocked. cos all e while i have been acting strong, smiling, laughing, joking and everything. but sorry pple, this is exactly how i am feeling. i have been keeping it for like soo many days. maybe i just cant take it any longer. i have to let it all out. seriously, if anybody were to take a look at my hp, they will be shocked at wat i have been trying 2 input into my brain, so as 2 prevent any outburst of my feelings. n i guess they dun work anymore.
dun worry pple. dun need 2 worry about me. seriously. ok. change topic. i am seriously in deep trouble, my STM(short term memory) is like getting from bad to worst. last time, i can forget things within a day. which means when i thought of something in e day, i will completely forget about it at night. hai. sad case. ok. for now. its worst. e next min, i can forget. serious. i can like totally forget what i was talking about e min b4. is there any cure for this?? i think i need a doc for this. maybe in future, i may just forget who i am. like serious. ok. just now when i was bathing, i am thinking of lots of thing. now. seriously i cant rmb anything. really. i am that serious. or is it cos my mind i selectively remember things?? remember only e good n positive things?? i duno.
hai. quite a suai day today. went home. no water at all. e whole block ok. is like from 6pm, no water coming out of e tap till like 10pm. omg. i thought i cant bathe for today. i am so afraid of that. cos i wont be able to slp without bathing. i have 2 be clean when i slp. plus, today is a super humid day, n i am feeling soo hot that i am looking forward to taking a long bath when i reach hm. aww. super sian. at bout 9pm, e town council called n inform us to go downstairs 2 collect water. er. hello its soo "total defence day" for us. ok. but lucky e water came out. n reason for this, cos sth wrong with e pump. crazy lah. serious.
saying about bathing. my frens were super shocked that i took 30-40 mins to bathe. eh dun all gals take a long time 2 bathe?? i duno. i thought so. i mean their reactions are all e same, similar to my family n relatives too. "what r u doing inside??" er. my ans is 2 bathe lah. duh. but my siblings always joke that i have 2 take out all my bones to scrape. thats y i will took soo long 2 bathe. n of cos was scolded by my grandma. cos she say its like erm, sth related 2 ghost or sth. ya. was thinking. if really i have a bathtub, wa. i think i will take like an hour.
